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Mr. Incredible vs. Simon Bar Sinister and Cad
Mr. Incredible vs. Simon Bar Sinister and Cad is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Mr. Incredible from the 2004 Pixar movie, The Incredibles, and Simon Bar Sinister and Cad from the 1960s American television show, Underdog. Description It’s brains versus brawn when the Underdog villains, Simon Bar Sinister and his henchman Cad Lackey, take on the Pixar Powerhouse, Mr. Incredible! Interlude Boomstick: When we watch movies, it’s surprising that the heroes always just happen to have whatever it takes to defeat the villain. But, what happens when you shake things up, and toss a completely different villain at the hero? One that he’s never seen before? Wiz: Well, today we are going to find out. The hero is the hero of Pixar’s The Incredibles, Mr. Incredible himself. Boomstick: And, the villain is that brainy pair from the Underdog cartoons, Simon Bar Sinister and Cad. Wiz: And as for us, I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick. Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, powers and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Mr. Incredible Wiz: In the golden age of superheroes, one name stood out above all the others: Mr. Incredible! Boomstick: He was overflowing with muscles, and there were very few problems he couldn’t pound into submission. That is, until he faced an opponent he could not punch: the American legal system! Wiz: That’s right, Mr. Incredible was sued for rescuing a man who didn’t want to be rescued, which ignited a firestorm of lawsuits, resulting in the U.S. Government forcing superheroes out of their masks and under cover. Boomstick: However, greatness found Mr. Incredible again, when he saved the city of Metroville from the villain, Syndrome. After that, Incredible was unleashed by the feds, and now he’s back on the job! Wiz: Mr. Incredible is a formidable opponent, with his main weapon being his astounding strength. When working to put himself back in shape, he was spotted bench pressing a diesel-electric locomotive. Boomstick: Without a spotter! And a locomotive like that probably weighs in at 175 tons – call it 350,000 pounds! Wiz: In 2008, American Ryan Kennelly captured the WPO equipped bench press world record by bench pressing 1,075 pounds. This means that Mr. Incredible is at least 350 times as strong as the strongest man. Boomstick: And not only that, he also spun a railroad tanker car on his feet, and practiced pull-downs with tanker cars. Wiz: And, when a railway track was inadvertently damaged, Mr. Incredible ran forward and successfully stopped a speeding passenger train with his bare hands. Boomstick: Which adds up to a crap-load of pounds...just don’t ask me how many. Wiz: His super physique does, however, grant more benefits than just strength. When Mr. Incredible was fighting Syndrome’s Omnidroid, he was able to leap over the robot, reaching a height of at least 30 feet, and a distance of at least 60 feet. Boomstick: Yeah, when it comes to physical activity, Mr. Incredible is...well, incredible. Simon Bar Sinister and Cad Boomstick: Back in the olden days of television, in those ancient times when they didn’t even have cable television(!), a hero to many young kids was that anthropo... po... pooed... human-looking dog, Underdog. Wiz: And, Underdog’s most famous opponents were Simon Bar Sinister and his minion, Cad Lackey. Boomstick: Now, Simon Bar Sinister may be short of stature, but he’s a giant in the brains department. Wiz: That’s right. Using his superior intellect, Simon has built many fantastic weapons, including a weather control machine, a net that erases people’s memories, a liquid that shrinks people, and most famously a gun that freezes people into snowmen. Boomstick: But, for all that, Simon sometimes goes a little off the deep end. For example, after he used a device called The Big Dipper to capture all of the water on Earth, Simon foolishly let Underdog goad him into throwing the containers at him, leaving Simon with no bargaining chips. Wiz: And, to a certain extent, that’s why Simon keeps Cad around. More than just a trigger man, or strong ox, Cad has a level head, and often points out flaws in Simon’s plans. Boomstick: Not that he always listens to him. Intermission Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE! DEATH BATTLE! 'Pre-Fight' Bob Parr walked out of the Capitol City train station thinking again how nice it would be to be able to fly. Still, Rick Dicker had done so much for Bob that when he called, Bob answered. It was a warm, sunny day, and Bob enjoyed the feeling of the sunshine on his skin. He had hated his days as a cubicle drone at Insuricare – living under artificial light, surrounded by artificial walls, and interacting with artificial people. ‘Heaven must be a little bit like this,’ he thought to himself. Capitol City was a nice town, quite clean and open. No garbage on the streets. Glancing through the shop windows as he walked along the street, Bob was shocked to find himself looking into a bank, and seeing a holdup in progress. There was a short and rather ugly man brandishing some sort of ray gun, backed up by a large blonde man. The bank patrons were all looking on with their hands in the air. Bob looked around quickly, saw that no one was particularly noticing him, so he ran into an alley, and pulled off his jacket, shirt and trousers, revealing his special super-suit. Adding the mask, he was now Mr. Incredible, and ready for action! Incredible walked nonchalantly out of the alley and down to the bank’s front door. He pushed it opened and walked boldly in. The two bank robbers turned to look at him. “You know,” he began, “banks are wonderful places to transact business. However, I’m afraid your business is not the legitimate kind. So, shall we handle this the easy way or the hard way?” Simon Bar Sinister pointed the ray gun at Incredible, and asked in a rich, deep voice, “My, my. Is it Christmas already? Just look, a fat man in a red suit!” Cad put his hand to his mouth and snickered loudly. FIGHT! Incredible ran towards the pair, when Simon shouted, “Simon says, go snow!” He fired the ray gun, and the front of Incredible’s body felt like it was covered with cold fire. His front even looked like it was covered in snow. His run slowed to a stagger. Simon shouted again, “Simon says, go snow!” Mr. Incredible had been shot by strange beams and rays before, and he was not going to stand still for being shot again with this one. So, he dove behind a desk. The Snow Gun turned the office furniture behind him into a winter wonderland. “Cad, take care of him,” Simon told his lackey. Then he turned back to the bank manager. “Now, let’s get the vault open, shall we? Time is precious,” he said coolly. Cad walked to the edge of the desk, and looked up the row of desks to see a snowy Mr. Incredible crawling towards the far wall. “Hey you!” he shouted. Grabbing a fire extinguisher, he ran after Incredible, and smashed the extinguisher on his back. Mr. Incredible collapsed to the floor, and another vicious blow struck him there. As quickly as his nearly frozen limbs would allow, Incredible turned onto his back, just in time to see Cad aiming a blow at his face. He pulled his legs back, and kicked Cad as hard as he could. In spite of the stiffness, Incredible’s powerful legs caught Cad in the chest, and propelled him across the bank. “Whoa!” he shouted. He crashed into a pillar and slumped to the floor. Simon Bar Sinister turned to see Incredible rising from behind the far wall, so he aimed his Snow Gun at him again. “Simon says, go snow!” he shouted. Hearing the call, Incredible dropped to the floor. The wall behind him turned into a vertical field of snow and frost. Cad shook his head to clear it, grabbed his fire extinguisher, and charged again at Mr. Incredible. At the last minute, Incredible surged to his feet, and grabbed Cad’s upraised arms. Though Cad was a strong man, he was no match for Incredible’s superhuman strength. Incredible turned Cad so that his back was to Simon Bar Sinister. The evil scientist yelled, “Simon say, go...Cad, get out of the way, you ninny!” “I can’t, Bawsh,” Cad yelled back. “Thish guy’sh as shtrong as Underdawg!” Incredible knew that another blast with the Snow Gun would finish him, so he needed to get away from the bank and regroup. He picked up Cad, and using all his remaining strength, he hurled him at the mad scientist with the gun. The big man struck the little man like a human bowling ball, and the two went down. Incredible turned and forced his frigid legs forward as fast as he could get them to go. He smashed through the frozen wall of the bank, and into the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant. Not even stopping there, he lurched past the shocked kitchen staff, and through the far wall, into a dry cleaning business. Simon Bar Sinister leaped to his feet, and pointed his Snow Gun through the exit that Mr. Incredible had made. But, looking down the barrel of the weapon, all he saw was a group of shouting kitchen staff, and beyond that an avalanche of falling cloths. Simon sniffed, and turned back to the manager. “Open the vault, now!” he shouted. * * * In the ruined dry cleaner, Incredible practically collapsed against the ruined machinery of the business. Above him, a pipe shrieked and burst, pouring scalding steam onto the man. However, instead of hurting, the steam actually felt quite good! Incredible stood up, and let the steam bath his entire body. He began rubbing his hands on the frozen parts of his body, faster and faster, using the friction to warm himself even faster. Soon, he began to feel Incredible all over again. But, he couldn’t just walk into the beam of that ray gun again, he needed a plan... * * * In the bank vault, Simon tossed bags of money into Cad’s waiting arms. “Take this...and this...and this,” he chortled happily. ”Bawsh, we’ve gotta get going. That guy in the red shoot is going to be back, and he’sh going to be trouble.” Cad whined. “Don’t worry, Cad,” Simon answered happily. “The Snow Gun stopped him before, and it can stop him again.” The two walked into the lobby of the bank, headed for the door, when suddenly Mr, Incredible charged through the hole in the wall, carrying a giant wok in front of himself, like a shield. They dropped the loot they had in their hands, and Simon drew his Snow Gun, while Can drew a revolver. “Simon says, go snow!” Simon shouted, and fired at the onrushing target. The wok turned white with snow. “Simon says, go snow!” Simon shouted again, sounding more desperate. The wok got snowier, but was still hurtling towards them. Cad fired his pistol once, and the wok rang like a gong. He fired again, and this time the gong sounded warbled. The wok shattered into a dozen pieces, but it was too late. Mr. Incredible caromed into the pair, sending them hurtling against the wall. They collapsed into a dazed heap. Incredible grabbed Cad’s revolver, and crumpled it into a metal ball. He next grabbed Simon’s Snow gun, and began to collapse it between his hands. When the large ball of the gun broke, it made a sharp sizzling sound, and a jagged streak of energy shot out at Simon and Cad. Instantly, they were frozen in a large block of ice – matching looks of shock locked on their icebound faces. KO! Suddenly, there was a crash, and Incredible looked up to see that a Super had broken through the ceiling. He had a dog's head, and an ill-fitting super-suit with a “U” on the chest. He bellowed, “There’s no need to fear. Under..dog...is...here.” Underdog looked in surprise at Simon Bar Sinister and Cad, and then at Mr. Incredible. “A little late, aren’t you?” Incredible asked. “I have much to do, that is so true. For all your help, I say, thank you.” Underdog answered trying not to look surprised. Suddenly, Underdog’s ears twitched, and he looked towards the ceiling. “A cry from Polly has reached my ear, and you have things in hand over here,” he said. “And when there is trouble, I am not slow...” “Could have fooled me.” Mr. Incredible mumbled under his breath. Underdog’s super-hearing caught the comment, so he turned and glared at Incredible. “Smart ass,” he said quietly. Then he back looked towards the ceiling, and said, “So, it’s hip-hip-hip, and away I go!” Underdog flew back out through the hole in the ceiling. Results Boomstick: And so we leave Simon Bar Sinister and Cad looking like a pair of losercicles. He he. Wiz: Yes, hoist by his own petard. Boomstick: Isn’t that that fancy mustard? Pardon me, do you have any grey petard? Wiz: Uh, no. As always, Simon relied too heavily on the efficaciousness of his one weapons... Boomstick: OK, you’re making words up now, right? Wiz: All too often, Simon ignored Cad’s advice, and counted on his weapon to defeat the hero. Boomstick: And all too often that worked against Underdog, who would just count on his super-powers to power his way through the weapon’s effects. Mr. Incredible, on the other hand, does not attack in that way. Wiz: Indeed, when fighting Syndrome’s Omnidroid, Incredible first punched the robot. When that didn’t work, he tried leaping over it. When the robot figured out how to stop that, Mr. Incredible moved on to a new tactic. And so forth, and so on. Boomstick: He may be brawny, but he’s not stupid. If something doesn’t work, Incredible tries something else, until the day is won. Wiz: And, Simon Bar Sinister was just not good at dealing with such a versatile opponent. Boomstick: There you go again, making up words! You just wish you were cool, like Simon and Cad. Wiz: Whatever you say, Boomstick. Anyway, the winner of this Death Battle is the Big Red Wonder himself, Mr. Incredible! Next Time Next time on Death Battle! we bring together two vigilantes who are considered outlaws by the authorities, two vigilantes who wear fedoras! That’s right, it’s Darkman vs. Green Hornet, and may the best – or worst – anti-hero win! Cameo Appearances * Underdog Trivia Poll How many stars would you rate Mr. Incredible vs. Simon Bar Sinister and Cad? 5 stars 4 stars 3 stars 2 stars 1 star Category:What-If? 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